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Sunday, October 26th, 2003
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9:49 pm - Enter the Dancer
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Dear Diary,
Well, guess who came home today at 6pm looking very smug? Charlie, that's who. Apparently he found his unicorn boy. And apparently they met. And apparently they went back to his place and had a damn good time. George, apparently, is the name of the guy he slept with. A crossdressing eskimo, believe it or not. A unicorn who's a crossdressing eskimo. But here's the fun part. This morning, Charlie woke up, rolled over, and kissed "George" gently. "George's" eyelids opened, confused. "Sleep well?" Charlie asked.
"I'm sorry but....who are you?"
George isn't just a crossdressing eskimo. George has a split personality.
The base personality isn't George though. The fur poor Charlie woke up with is Troy, who claims to just be your average homosexual. He appologized to Charlie, explaining that sometimes George will bring boys home and he'll wake up next to them. It only happens sometimes. George will leave notes for Troy because Troy's an early riser, so Troy will usually just play along until whoever it is leaves. What George didn't know is that Charlie has a tendancy not to sleep when he's not in his own bed.
Apparently, Troy said, to be on the safe side, people tend to refer to them as TroySlashGeorge. I know, written I should write Troy/George, but everyone says the slash...There's no real way to tell Troy appart from George until you start talking to whoever has control, unless George is feeling particularly wild and dressed in an insane amount of drag garb. Troy said, blushing, that he has a slightly feminine sort of dress too. So it can be difficult.
Charlie is positively enthralled by the situation. Although he did say something about a large collar around TroySlashGeorge's neck that got in the way a lot...he wasn't too clear about it though.
This really makes it sound like I'm sort of pissed at Charlie. I'm not...I guess I'm just jealous. Just a tiny bit.
current mood:  jealous
current music: Title of the Song by Da Vinci's Notebook
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| Saturday, October 25th, 2003
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7:10 pm - Glasses
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Dear Diary,
So Charlie's out on a mission tonite. He's off clubbing trying to find that unicorn. He said he's horny as all hell for that boy, so we'll see what happens there.
I'm left sitting here with Isaac. He's sitting on my lap snuggled into my blanket, and I'm sipping hot cocoa.
To be honest, I'm in the mood for being elsewhere. I'd love to just go out somewhere with Isaac, and curl up next to someone and go to sleep. One of the most amazing feelings in the world is going to sleep with someone, and waking up in the morning to be warm in their arms. To flutter your eyes open and see them staring back at you. And watch as their blurry face gets closer and closer to yours as they kiss you gently and whipser good morning love.
Have I ever mentioned I wear glasses? And wear contacts to conteract that?
current mood:  weird
current music: None of Them Knew They Were Robots + Mr. Bungle
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(comment on this)
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| Thursday, October 23rd, 2003
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6:51 pm - Autumn
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Dear Diary,
I really don't know what's up with this time of year. Maybe it's the fact that it's getting cold. But all of a sudden, everyone has this need to have someone. It's weird. And I don't like it. Because I've fallen victim to it too.
Charlie's making hot cocoa in the kitchen. We're going to sit down and curl up in blankets with Isaac and watch All Dogs Go to Heaven. I really love that movie.
You know, sometimes I remember about things with one of my ex boyfriends. And I really wish they could have been..well...different.
current mood:  cold
current music: Making Friends and Aquatances by Cursive
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(comment on this)
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| Wednesday, October 22nd, 2003
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10:39 pm - Tossing and Turning
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Dear Diary,
Sleep has been so delicious lately. And I wonder why Isaac's fur is so impossibly soft. And why I never seem to accidently crush him while I toss and turn in my sleep.
I've been trying to do this experiment lately. Where I try and remember what side I fell asleep on, and remember what side I wake up on. I fell asleep on my right side last nite. And I woke up on my left. I wonder if that means anything.
Charlie says he found out that unicorn boy sometimes likes to cross dress...
current mood:  confused
current music: Kim Deal by The Pillows
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| Tuesday, October 21st, 2003
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11:45 am - Jello
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Dear Diary,
I've been having such a hard time updating lately. Everything feels like it's stuck in some sort of bubble...A bubble filled with jello or something. I move around in slow motion, just barely getting by.
Charlie isn't effected at all, though. He's still exactly the same. He's seen that boy a couple more times at clubs, but still hasn't gotten up the nerve to talk to him. He went to the city this weekend to visit some friends, and said he ended up having sex with some girl at the dorm he was spending the night in. He said something about the girl being scared of men cause of her dad or something...I don't quite understand.
I'm falling behind in my classes again, and I really hate it. Like I said, it's like I'm trapped in an ocean of jello. I just don't feel motivated at all. Charlie and I worked out a plan for this afternoon to motivate myself, and I really hope it'll work.
I also haven't been listening to music as much. And I don't like it. I haven't really, not since I got Isaac...I wonder if it's connected at all?
Anyway, the bell's gonna ring soon, so I better run.
current mood:  tired
current music: Michelle by The Beatles
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(comment on this)
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| Friday, October 3rd, 2003
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7:39 am - Isaac
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Dear Diary,
Last friday was the strangest thing. I still really don't understand it at all.
I felt compelled to get a pet, so I went out and bought one. He's a little bunny who I've named Isaac. He's supposed to be white, though he's not an albino, he's got nice brown eyes. I say he's supposed to be white because for whatever reason his breeder dyed his fur pink. The breeder even gave me more dye, and told me how to put it on him and everything. I think I'll keep dying his fur, it really suits him.
After I payed for Isaac, I went out and bought everything I needed to take care of him. And I brought him home and I settled down, and I was just leaning on a wall holding him. And it was like I was hit with this wave of sadness I'll never understand. As I sat there holding Isaac, I cried.
current mood: confused
current music: Michelle by The Beatles
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(comment on this)
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| Sunday, September 21st, 2003
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11:33 am - Falling in Love
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Dear Diary,
Sorry I haven't written for a while. I haven't been terribly busy, but I really couldn't find anything to write about.
Charlie has been going nuts trying to find out about that Uni he saw at the club last nite. As of yet, all he's managed to find out is that he's called TroySlashGeorge. He isn't sure why as of yet. And that sometimes he'll come to that club, and he'll be wild as anything. Grinding up against all the pretty boys, tossing out innuendos like candies. And then he'll suddenly stop, and look horribly confused. And then leave. Charlie is positively giddy about this boy. It's kind of cute. Although at the same time, I'm kind of jealous. I don't want to lose Charlie to a lover. Especially since I can't find one of my own.
I was reading a lot today...so many people seem to have these beautiful loves. And I know if I wait I'll find mine, but sometimes I can't help but want that connection. Someone who will listen to me and understand. I know I have Charlie, but he's a part of me. It's so much more enlightening to find someone who has no connection to you at all, but somehow does. It's so beautiful.
current mood:  pensive
current music: Mess by Ben Folds Five
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(comment on this)
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| Monday, September 15th, 2003
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7:37 am - Mornings
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Dear Diary,
::wipes sleep out of her eyes, whimpering softly:: It's waay to early to be awake. I was up not-too-late talking with Icky, and it's exhausted me.
Charlie didn't get home until around dinner time last nite. He went out 4pm saturday. He says he didn't have sex with anyone, but he went back to some guy's house and stayed there for the weekend. He says he was just sorta lonely, and the guy was really comfortable. Sex wasn't necessary.
Though he told me of this beautiful boy in the club. Apparently he's a blue unicorn, with long silver hair. Charlie is in absolute awe of this guy, which isn't something that happens very often. In fact, it really doesn't happen at all. It's sort of got the both of us confused.
Lately I've been begining to wonder about myself. Sometimes I wish that I dropped out of highschool, or at least switched into pm school. Or that I was living with someone, living side by side with someone who loves me deeper than the ocean. But that's awfully childish of me.
I spent the weekend helping my mom out with her garden. Which isn't something I usually do because I don't like gardening that much. But I like my mom. So I was willing to help.
current mood: tired
current music: Sierra by Cursive
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(comment on this)
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| Friday, September 12th, 2003
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12:49 pm - Pirate Day
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Dear Diary,
Happy National Pirate Day! I got lucky when a friend, Nezumi, mentioned to me that today's National Pirate Day, and Charlie and I instantely knew we had to dress up.
We came into school all decked out in pirate garb. I'm wearing a black bandana on my head, and a red shirt that reads "I'm a PIRATE ARRR!!!!" on the front, and "Happy Pirate Day Matey!" on the back. My jeans are all torn up, and I'm looking extra scruffy for the occasion. I even drew a little skull and crossbones on my arm as a pretend tattoo! Charlie looks great too. He's wearing this poofy cotton shirt and an eyepatch, plus some semi-tight black jeans. He even went as far to make a fake cosair out of tinfoil last nite. We both make a great team, he's so fun.
Charlie says he wants to go clubbing on saturday, but I'm really not up for it. I'm so exhausted from school and my job, all I want to do is hang out with Icky and Ines and watch movies. I've never mentioned before, Icky and Ines are a couple of my best friends, and I really try to spend as much time with them as possible. But Charlie's itching to dance with someone. You know what I mean...dance all over someone and then go home for some wild sex afterwards. Insert eye rolling here. He's so sex crazed right now, it's kind of amusing. I'll watching in classes and he just figits ever so slightly...I can just tell he's thinking about some guy he banged. He gets like that sometimes. It's kind of cute, in an odd sort of way.
current mood:  amused
current music: The New Zero by Rasputina
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Thursday, September 11th, 2003
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7:43 am - Charlie
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Dear Diary,
Turns out that sophmore Charlie hooked up with was some little girl whose boyfriend beat her. She broke up with him yesterday, and he came after her. And of course Charlie was there to kick his ass. And of course it turned out that he really did love her, he just came from an alcoholic family and didn't know how to properly interact with someone you care about. But somehow Charlie fixed him, but the girl is too scared of the guy to be with him. And the guy understands and is going for therpy now. And so's the girl.
What the hell? I mean really. How the fuck does Charlie get involved in all these crazy situations and manage to resolve them? There's something seriously wrong with the boy, I swear.
Charlie's always been doing things like this. For as long as I can remember he has. I don't know, it's almost like he exist purely to find a way to make others happy. And to protect them. He says that I come before everyone, but sometimes I don't know. I mean, the marks on his palms, feet, and sides should be a dead give away, but he chooses to ignore them. He says they're only there because of my imagination when I was a kid, but I didn't even know anything religious back then. Mom doesn't believe in that sort of thing, and doesn't see why she should push me into a religion I don't care about. It's so weird. And of course Charlie's bisexual, so he's constantly hooking up with boys and girls, be it for pleasure or simply to heal them. He's never been in a steady relationship, though. I don't think he wants one, really. He's so silly like that.
I've, of course, forgoten to mention Charlie's appearence. He's a ferret with red brown fur, with a cream coloured muzzle, lower neck, tummy, and the later half of his tail is that colour too. He also little splashes of that lighter colour on his sides, palms and feet, it's really freaky. His hair is naturally a light brownblonde colour, but he dyes the front of it bright red, don't ask me why. Somehow it really suits him, though. He's sorta silly though, cause he'll go shirtless any and every chance he gets. If not he'll either wear button down shirts or baggy tee shirts. And always he's wearing slightly baggy jeans. Except when he's trying to be sexy, the goof.
Fuck, I want to sleep so bad.
current mood: exhausted
current music: Asleep by The Smiths
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(comment on this)
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| Wednesday, September 10th, 2003
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1:17 pm - Asleep in the library
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Dear Diary,
I'm so bored right now. I'm sitting around in the corner of the library writing away in this little journal, simply because I have nothing else to do. Charlie's making out in a closet with some sophmore. Not sure if it's a boy or a girl or not.
Right now, I just really want someone to cuddle with. Not in the romantic sort of way, mind you. I just really need someone right now. Not Charlie. I just want to be able to flop into someone's lap and sleep. Sleep away the day and the orchestra rehersal later tonite. And he'd just stroke my hair and keep me warm. I guess what I really want right now is comfort. The only person I really have like that I don't really see too much anymore. I mean, he's still in school and everything, but we aren't in many classes together anymore. I miss him. I just really need someone's lap to flop into.
Time for the next class.
current mood:  listless
current music: Mayfly by Rasputina
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(comment on this)
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| Monday, September 8th, 2003
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10:48 pm - About Me
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Dear Diary,
Looking back on my first entry, I'm realizing I really didn't explain myself at all. Perhaps I should do this, for whoever looks back and reads this thing when I'm dead or something.
My name is Olivia Twist. I'm currently 17, and a senior in highschool. Damn, that sounds freaking lame. LAME. I like the word Lame waaay too much.
So, anyway. I'm living with my mother. And only my mother. I never knew my father. The weird thing is, I don't feel particularly bitter. Neither does my mother, actually. He's the reason I'm a mixed species, though. My mother is pure hedgehog, and apparently he was a lemur. Hence my long tail and spiked hair. Also the reason my ears and tail are violently purple. I've considered dying them black a couple times, but haven't actually. My mother is simply a white hedgehog, so I inherrited my silver spikes from her. I just like dying the tips. This is still really lame.
I guess the most interesting thing about me would be my necklace. Apparently my father gave it to my mother just before he left. It's this tiny heart shaped lock that he instructed her to have me wear at all times. Never take it off, he warned. And then he left. I'm not sure exactly why. Neither is Mom. There's definately something...weird about it though. It never rusts. Somehow, it regulates my external body temperature. If I get too cold, it warms me up. If I get too hot, it cools me down. And I've never been seriously sick. It protects me. Charlie thinks it's also supressing something too. But he's not sure.
That's another thing. Charlie. I don't even know about him. I mean, most little kids have imaginary friends. But how many kids do you know made their friends real? It's so fucked up...I have an incredably vivid imagination. Charlie was always very real to me. My mom, being the kind of fur she is, understood. I mean, she used to set the table for 3, tuck Charlie in at nite, things like that. I remember one day we were in my basement. I was curled up crying because some dumbass kids had just beat on me again. That was about the time that I realized I was the only one who could see Charlie. Charlie was trying to comfort me. I said something like Charlie I wish everyone else could see you so you could protect me. He pointed at the necklace. "Cut that off," he said. I sniffled. "Mommy said never to take that off." He insisted, though. Telling me that everyone would see me. So we got a pair of scissors. And I cut the thread holding the lock onto my neck. There wasn't any real change for me. Charlie just got really nervous, telling me to get another string and close the lock again. So I braided some embroidory floss and closed the lock around my neck again. And when we went upstairs, my mom nearly fainted. Because there was Charlie. There was his reflection in the mirror. And there was Charlie asking for a kiss goodnite.
Mom's used to Charlie now. I mean, he's like a son to her. Except not. Charlie himself isn't sure how he knew that by removing the necklace he would become real. He just sort of had this feeling, he says. And he doesn't know why he knew we had to immediately put the necklace back on. He thinks there's something in my head that I know, but I haven't figured out yet. He says he thinks he has the same thing, but he remembers things just a hair faster than I do. But it's just a theory of ours.
Mom gave me this diary because she thinks it'll help me calm down a bit. I got in a fight again the other day. Beat the girl up pretty damned bad, too. She deserved it, both Mom and Charlie agree. But they both also agree that I should try writing my thoughts down. As a method of therepy and a way to remember. So one day I can look back on this and see how I've grown. It's a good idea. The diary seems to have an endless nature to it, and it's the perfect size to keep in my pocket. I'll just have problems keeping track of pens to write with it in.
current mood:  relaxed
current music: Goodbye by Hide
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| Saturday, September 6th, 2003
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6:16 pm - First entry
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Dear Diary,
Well, it's the fresh start of another school year. My final one in highschool, at that. I meant to start writing in this diary on the first day of school. I wanted to capture what it was like to walk into the building for the last first time. But I ended up really not having the time to. Oh well.
So many things are the same, yet so much is different. Charlie ran around acting like a prince. Already the new freshmen are falling for him, and of course I should have expected this. It's what always happens when new lonely furs appear. It's what Charlie's around for, after all. Quite honestly, I don't know why he didn't just graduate a long time ago. I mean, when we first got to the high school he was already taking senior level classes. But he absolutely refused to graduate without me. I asked him why a couple times, but he really wouldn't give me a straight answer. It's kind of strange, because we're both so dependent on eachother. I think he's almost scared to go off somewhere new without me. And the same thing goes for me.
Everything feels so much more relaxed in school these days. I don't feel as pressured, although I really need to start looking at colleges, writing essays and all that. It just feels so free in school, a feeling I'm not used to. It feels almost comfortable there.
Walking through the hallways is an experience now. I look at so many furs, so many different personalities. Some of them particularly interest me, although I can never say why. Some of them just give off this feel that interests me. The thing is, they're usually guys. Not that I'm guy crazy or anything, I just have a harder time connecting with girls. But I see them, and of course I'll never talk to them. So I start making things up about them. What their favourite bands are, the kind of books they read. I'll imagine them sitting in rooms covered with posters, or perhaps so dirty you can't see the carpet. And sometimes I imagine being on the phone with them, talking and sharing secrets. Boys telling me their pasts and crying. We'd be best friends, inseperable, mind twins. And then I'm just looking at their backpacks as they walk down the hall to whatever class they're going to.
I'm begining to wonder if this is unhealthy.
current mood: complacent
current music: Dancer in a Daydream by Ace of Base
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6:14 pm - Chapter 1
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current mood: contemplative
current music: Ningyo Hime by Tanaka Rie
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oliviatwist's journal